I've been bloggered. I'm always composing blog posts inside my brain nowadays. But I haven't got enough time nor energy to blog as much as I want to. It's tough working full time, looking after Isaac at night, and being the 24 hour on call CEO of PamMI Pte Ltd, you know.
Initially, I thought now that I'm back at work, I might be able to blog everyday during lunch. However, that was not to be as I would usually wolf down my lunch so that I can go and pump milk.
At night, usually by the time we settle Isaac and get him to sleep, it'd be 9plus or 10plus - sounds early to you, but by then I'd be so tired already. Sometimes, I just fall asleep along with Isaac. Most other times, I'd have to get up to wash and sterilise the bottles and pump funnels for the next day's use. Recently though, hubbs has been very sweet, he'd wash and sterilise the bottles and pump funnels for me, so that I can just bathe and go to sleep.
Coz I do the night duty you see. Nowadays, Isaac doesn't really cry at night. I'd hear him fidgeting and will just pick him up to feed him. He'd be drinking sleepily and would fall back into sleep after he's done. This is unlike the past, where Isaac used to have trouble falling back to sleep and would cry and cry. hubbs would help me out by rocking back to sleep. So, now that Isaac doesn't cry at night in between feeds, hubbs gets a full night sleep.
But if I succumb to temptation to sleep early every night, then I wouldn't have time to blog! So, I'd have to sacrifice sleeping time to blog lor... so poor thing, right? kekeke... Well, it's not that I'm "very free" - but that I make the effort to keep blogging. I dunno how long I can keep this up, but at least, it'd be good for as long as I can. Something is better than nothing, right?
Some people comment that blogs are so silly, and a waste of time. Perhaps, for some people, and some blogs. But I feel that it's nice to have a blog to chronicle the growth of Isaac and ourselves. Yeah, ourselves. Think we're growing to be adults! HAHAHA... oh, you know what I mean. It's no mean feat being parents. And nothing beats being one to really know and understand how difficult it is. Challenging but fulfilling.
Kids nowadays are so lucky, isn't it? When they grow up, they'd have thousands of photos of themselves to look at, videos to see, and some even have blogs to call their own. I feel that this is a way to let us remember how we were like, too. How things were like. How it was going through the tough first few months, the fun of watching and witnessing Isaac's firsts, the pain and tediousness of breastfeeding, the feelings of "fresh parents" learning our way through Isaac.
I mean, humans all have amazingly short-term memories. We all kinda forget something we're not in the midst of. Like now, I can hardly recall how frustrating and tiring it was during the first two months. No, I don't mean to say I've forgotten it all, but that, I'd lost memory of the intensity of those feelings.
I remember, when I was a teenager, going through the usual growing pains and teen-angst period of my life, I used to like HATE my parents (now I don't lah). So I would constantly tell myself that I have to remember my feelings as a teenager, so that next time when I have my own kids, I would understand how they feel. Well, I bet you in 15 years time when I'm yelling at Isaac for something he should or shouldn't be doing - I don't think I'd remember how I felt like being a teenager.
Also, it strikes me how, when sometimes I ask my colleagues, friends or relatives what they did with their kids when they were young and had a certain problem I am now facing with Isaac - they would answer:" Oh I can't remember, it was so long ago."
So, I think this blog is good, in that sense. It'd remind me of this period of time. Of when I first became a mother. Of Isaac in his first few months of life. Of how hubbs and I handled the things that came our way. And hopefully, when Isaac reads this next time, it'd show him how much we love him, and we hope he'd love us equally much in return. [I hope he'd love me as much as hubbs loves his mother. No, wait! I hope Isaac'd love me MORE than hubbs loves his mother! fwwahahhahaha...]
postscript: To all those who say:"Wah, Pamela, you really very free hor, write so much." I have this to say:"I am not FREE. I make it a point to write. I make an effort. I sacrifice sleep to write. I sacrifice going out for lunch to write. I sacrifice watching the news with hubbs to write. To have time to write, hubbs and I have to live with a mess of clothes that are not folded, a living room table which is messy, a dish-holder filled with dishes waiting to be put back into the cupboard. I ask myself:"15 years from now, will Isaac appreciate the writing that I have done here, or will he commend me on a neat living room table and neat stacks of folded clothes when he was 4 months old." The answer is clear :p Besides... you all very FREE hor? Keep coming to read my blog... :p