Saturday, 15 September 2012

Why do I blog?

I have always enjoyed writing, ever since I was young. One of my first ambitions was to be a writer, like Enid Blyton. I thought she was very prolific, churning out tonnes of books in all genres.So at the tender age of 7, when I was enamoured of all Enid Blyton books, it was my dearest ambition then to be a writer. As such, since the advent of the internet age and websites like Blogger and Wordpress which made starting blogs a cinch, I wanted to start a blog. But, thanks to my well honed powers of procrastination, it simply didn't get started.

When I got pregnant with Isaac, I knew it was time to stop procrastinating, and time to start that blog. I had more reasons to start a blog now. Going through a pregnancy and having a baby are both life-changing events. They are events which have phases and are constantly changing and evolving. I wanted to remember each and every phase of these events. I remember asking colleagues stuff about their pregnancies, but they couldn't remember. "Too long ago" they said, "can't remember already". Then it struck me, I was going to forget too! My memory is horrendous! My ex-boss used to joke that my memory was so bad even before I had kids, that after I have kids, it'd be so bad, I'd forget my name. I wasn't THAT bad, but still...

Hence, essentially, the driving force behind my meticulous chronicling, is the fragility of my memory. I am afraid I'd forget.

I feel old, when I think back on the past 30 ought years of my life. I remember the joys of the good times, but I also remember the pains of the bad times. And often, the good is coloured by the bad - hurt tends to be recalled more sharply than the good, though, in time everything fades and is eventually forgotten. But I want to make sure that I don't forget the good things that have happened. I want to remember how sweet hubbs was in the early years of my marriage. I want to recall the smiley baby my Isaac was. I want to be able to recount and recollect the interactions between my toddler twins Asher & Shawna... I don't want to forget these!

I want to remember, that even though times can be hard, there were good times before, and that we can work towards a better future too. Sometimes, one tends to live so much in the present moment, that we forget the past, and don't see much of any future ahead. This is fine if you revel in the the present goodness - live the moment, ya know. But this is not good if the present is tough or hurtful. We don't want to wallow in  misery, that's not good at all.

I am so, not looking forward to my kids hitting puberty. Thinking back, I remember the puberty pains I went through, and I recall thinking at that time that I really hate my parents. I thought they were horrible, and that they didn't love me. Of course, looking back, I know that's not true, and it was really just growing pains and teenage angst that I went through. I can't help feeling that I'd get my retribution in a decade's time. I pray that my children will bestow on me only half (or less!) of the grief I heaped on my parents.

This blog is all part of that plan. I hope that in the dark times of puberty when my kids are wallowing in self-pity, thinking that their parents just want to make life difficult for them, they can read that we actually love them very much, since the day they were conceived. That we have their interests at heart, and that, it really doesn't matter if they don't top their class, or win the competition, or stick by their curfew all the time. That even though we may have disagreements with them, or how loudly we scream at them, we still love them very much.

But even if they don't read it, I will read it. And it will remind me, that despite the kids being difficult the way they are, that they are still my babies, the same babies that I love and will always love. And I hope that will calm me down, and let me center myself and allow me to compose and collect myself so that I can approach any problem I have with the kids in a more effective way. 

There is also that morbid part of me, that fears death. Or rather, that death would come too soon. Before my kids grow up, before I get to see them get married and have kids. And I fear that my kids would forget me. Forget me, and the love I have for them.

And so I write. I write so that I remember. I write, so that they will remember. I write, so that, when my children ask me about their childhood, I'd will not give some vague answer that ends with "So long ago, can't remember already.". Instead, I have the option of saying, "I can't recall the details, go look up the blog books."

This post is one of the carriages in the blog train hosted by Rachel of Catch Forty Winks. Fifteen mummies from Singapore Mom Bloggers will share with us their response on why they blog on this blog train. The Singapore Mom Bloggers are a lovely bunch of ladies I have gotten to know this past months. With them around to read my blog, I don't feel like I'm talking to myself anymore! :p They also inspire me to blog more often!

Next on this train!
Step into Adeline's world as she blogs about her encounters as a SAHM at THE ACCIDENTAL MOM BLOGGER {} Amongst the many roles she undertakes, Adeline especially enjoys being the designated photographer and chef in the family. To keep herself sane from her mundane tasks, she also independently runs a blogshop at ADELINE'S LOFT {}, creating lifestyle jewelries for the past 7 years. Her passion was recognized by a local women lifestyle online magazine and was awarded for being an inspirational woman during International Women's Day in 2011.

1 comment:

  1. Nice! The morbid part sounds sad but maybe it's quite true. Remembering is one of my main reasons for writing too (Mine will be up on Monday) and I think it's the reason why many of us mummies blog too. =) Yeah yeah, no more excuse to say 'too long ago' or 'I forgot liao'. =) In the first place, happy things are meant to stay in the heart. Glad to see you back in action!


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